


누난 너무 예뻐 (Noona neomu yeppeo)

by thewriterpoe



Category: SHINee, f(x)
Genre: Crack, Multi, alternative universe, fetus shinee, shiyan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-25
Updated: 2018-05-25
Packaged: 2019-05-13 16:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14752148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewriterpoe/pseuds/thewriterpoe
Summary: Victoria is only twenty-seven but already she’s getting a reputation as a crazy cat lady. But what people don’t know about the five strays she’s got living with her is that they turn into five boys





	누난 너무 예뻐 (Noona neomu yeppeo)

**1.**     

     Victoria's left eye twitched as she surveyed the empty fridge. She knew it was a mistake saying yes to having the five boys hanging out at her apartment but they put the youngest on her and he had a face that was hard to say no to.  Her food budget was completely demolished, her electric bill gave her tremors and worst of all they used up all the hot water. Where did they have to go that they had to take their showers before her? Speaking of which, where did Minho go off to at odd hours of the night?  

     "Noona, let's watch a movie," Taemin suggested.

     "Sure," she agreed unenthusiastically.

     “And chicken?” Onew piped in excitedly.

     “Why not?”

     "Your boyfriend can't come this time," Taemin added darkly, frowning at the memory of their last movie night. Her boyfriend had insisted on sitting next to her, displacing him from his favorite spot on her lap. Not that he could come over what with the boys not wanting him here – Onew glaring at him from the window sill, Jonghyun peeing on the $200 sneakers, and Key and Taemin playing scratching post with his legs made sure of that. She couldn’t stay over at his because the boys didn’t want her there – Onew glaring at her from the window sill, Jonghyun peeing on her $50 blue suede shoes, and key and Taemin playing scratching post with her couch made sure of that. Plus he was starting to get a little freaked out that she talked about her cats as though they were people.

     And of course they had to watch a scary movie – Taemin insisting since it was Friday the 13th. It was a rather creepy adaptation of Bram Stoker’s ‘Dracula’. And even though it was a ‘B’ quality, Victoria was not doing well though arguably much better than the last scary movie The Exocist during which she just walked out of the house a half hour into the movie (she made as though she was going to the bathroom and just didn’t return). At least she got to the end of the film, albeit with her face behind her hands.

    _Why do I let them talk me into these things_ , she grumbled as she checked her closets and under her bed for the fourth time. Clutching her prayer beads, she burrowed into her bed waiting for sleep to take her. She had just lulled her erratic heartbeat when she thought she heard a creaking noise. _Werewolves can’t came in without an invitation,_ she told herself _or was that vampires? Calm the fuck down,_ she scolded herself. _If there was a werewolf in the house it would have eaten the boys. Unless, they betrayed her with their animagus abilities._

     She felt the bed dip and held her breath.

     “What are you doing down there?” Taemin snickered when he pulled the covers off and saw her balled up at the foot of the bed.

     "Taemin, what the fuck are you doing?"

     "I'm sleeping with you," he replied as though the answer was so obvious.

     "Umm, no you're not. You have your room with the others."

     "But they snore," he complained, pulling his face in his famous pout.

     "No," she shook her head, closing her eyes to the aegyo assault.

     "Noona," he whined. “I’m scared.”

     "As if! You can't sleep with me...I-I don't sleep with anything."

     He was already sneaking in between the sheets, smiling triumphant.

     "I don't have a problem with that," he replied.

     She let her guard down thinking of a retort and he was under covers, moseying his way to cuddle with her.

     "Oh, noona, you're so soft!" he exclaimed happily. "Softer than Minho."

     Speaking of Minho, he wasn't back yet. She wondered if she should be worried but since his friend was peacefully sleeping at her side maybe it was fine. Still, she waited up till she heard the creak of the loose floor board in the hallway and Minho's hushed curse before she let her eyes flutter shut.

 

**3.**

     The jungle screech rumbling from the bathroom only meant one thing…the hot water had run out during Victoria's shower. Within seconds she stormed out the bathroom, soap subs on her skin and her face resembling a terrifying tribal mask.

     “How many times do I have to tell you to that I have to have my shower first?” she roared into the sitting room where the boys were lounging languidly. “I mean…shit!”

     “I told you we should have showered together,” Key poked at Jonghyun’s side.

     “That’s a great idea,” Onew exclaimed, and when he was met with blank stares elaborated, “We should shower together to save water. Key with Jonghyun, Minho with Taemin, Me with noona.”

     This was met with protests. Loudest of which was Victoria.

     "But noona, we've already seen you naked," Taemin said.

     Jonghyun slapped him upside the head.

     "What?" she said at the same time with Onew.

     "You've seen my woman naked?"

     "You've seen me naked?"

     Again she and Onew spoke at the same time.

     "Why is she _your_ woman?" Minho protested.

     "Obviously," Onew rolled his eyes. "I'm the oldest."

     "Nah-uh," Taemin interjected but Key derailed whatever retort he had with his "What does age have to do with anything? She likes me best."

     Jonghyun sputtered.

     "Then why does she sleep with me?" Taemin put in.

     Onew looked betrayed. "Noona, you're sleeping with Taemin?"

     "And she sleeps naked," Taemin taunted.

     "So that’s where he goes," Minho muttered absentmindedly. "I assumed he slept with Onew hyung."

     "Can we get back to answering when you saw me naked?" she rallied them back to the original conversation.

     "Just about every Saturday," Taemin responded casually.

     Jonghyun reminded her, with a sheepish grin, that a while ago the neighborhood had a problem with stray cats sitting on people’s balconies. That was them and about every Saturday they would sit on the balcony of the apartment across from hers and watch her in her living room. She gasped; playing back all the Saturdays she strutted around her apartment completely nude and the one time she got herself off on the couch. They seemed to be playing those Saturdays in their heads as well but their expressions were different from hers.

     "Perverts!" she screamed, needlessly covering her chest and fleeing to the bathroom. She stayed in there for a really long time and Key needed to use the toilet.

     "Noona," Onew's voice carried across the door. "Don't be embarrassed. You have a really nice body."

     She responded with a strangled scream.

     Onew tried another approach. "Noona, we're sorry for looking at your body -"

     "I'm not," Taemin's voice interrupted followed by a harsh retort from Key.

     "We're sorry," Onew repeated through gritted teeth, and she imagined the look he was giving Taemin and the smug look Taemin was returning. "It was an invasion of your privacy. It was wrong of us. Could you come out now so that Key can use the toilet? He's doing a weird dance right now and it's not cute."

     "No!" she said.

     "NOONA!" Key yelled.

     "I tried," Onew said shrugging, his voice trailing as he walked away from the door.

     "Hyung!"

     "Just pee in the sink," Taemin suggested, his voice also trailing.

     Key made a very disgruntled/undignified sound.

 

**5.**

     Victoria looked like a drowned rat walking into the living room, clutching a spotted brown cat snugly despite her violent shivers. And standing there, bright as brass, was none other than Minho. She looked to the cat she was holding then to Minho.

     “Who’s that?” he asked.

     Her expression turned from dumbstruck to anger as she recounted how she spent the whole night looking for him because he didn’t come home last night – despite, she added heatedly, having a very important interview in five hours because being a barista doesn't pay well when you have five extra mouths to feed; how she thought some neighborhood kids had trapped him in a pillow – because the cat she was holding has similar markings to his- and threw him into the river.

     “So you just jumped into the river?” Key gasped, astonished.

     “What was I supposed to do? I thought it was him,” she snapped.

     “Noona,” Taemin called softly.

     She was glaring at Minho but he was just standing there, stoic as usual. It was unnecessary what she did since he could have shifted into his human body but no one said that even though they were probably all thinking it. But it didn’t escape them that she put her life in danger because she thought one of them was in trouble.

     "Do you think noona is in love with us?" Taemin whispered excitedly. They were congregated outside the bathroom door waiting for her to finish taking her bath.

     Key made a disapproving noise. Minho looked sullen. Jonghyun and Onew exchanged worried looks. "I think noona is starting to care about us. We should leave before it gets too complicated."

     "But I want to stay," Taemin whined.

     "We all want to stay," snapped Key. "But we’re getting too troublesome for noona. She could get hurt."

     "But noona will be lonely without us," Taemin continued.

     "At least she will be alive," Onew said sympathetically.

 //

     Victoria was changing in her room when Minho entered, closing the door behind him.

     “What the hell, Minho?” she said, scrambling to cover up with the towel she just dropped.

     “I just wanted to thank you…for what you did,” he said solemnly.

     “Well, I didn’t actually do anything,” she grumbled.  

     “Yeah, but you thought I was trouble and risked your life for me.”

     She wouldn’t go that far - she was district champion swimmer in high school – but the apology was nice even though she was feeling stupid about confusing his markings.

     “No harm, no foul,” she said sportingly.

     There was a bit of awkward silence then he said, “He’s cheating on you…your boyfriend. I followed him one night and he was totally on a date with a woman who wasn’t his mother or sister or cousin or close friend. He saw me too. I think that’s why he hasn’t been calling you.”

     “Is that what you’ve been doing when you go out?”

     He shrugged with an expression that was neither here nor there.

     “Fine! Keep your secrets. You’re not the only one with secrets,” she sulked.

     "I've already found your diary," he said.

     She was shocked.

     “Did you read it?” she demanded. He made a noncommittal gesture with his shoulders.  It was something she’d expect Taemin to do or even Key – Onew and Jonghyun wouldn’t dare although Jonghyun would get the others to tell him what was in it. But she was surprised by how little she was affected by the news about her boyfriend. Minho was too but he didn’t know how much she despised her boyfriend’s – ex-boyfriend’s - eating habits….or maybe he did; he did read her diary.

     “Don’t feel bad about it,” Minho said, backing up to the door. “I’m sure someone will come along who appreciates your cute dimple butt.”

     “Umm…Okay,” was what she said instead of the ‘ _weirdo_ ’ she was thinking but when he had left the room she realized that she had been standing in front the mirror the whole time and he had a clear view of her backside in the reflection.

 

**6.**

     Taemin woke Key up frantically because he thought Victoria was dead – and how gross would it be that he was sleeping with a dead person. She was not dead. It was just damn near impossible to wake her up when she was sick. Plus dead people don’t perspire.

     “She’s burning up,” Key said, touching her forehead with the back of his hand, looking professional with his brow wrinkled with worry. He barked orders at the others who stood helplessly around her bed. Honestly, she looked ghastly. Her pallor was deathly and the wet noises from her breathing were disconcerting.

     For two days, she passed in and out of feverish consciousness. She heard them whispering urgently among themselves – Jonghyun insisting that they should have taken her to the hospital, Key reminding him why they couldn’t. On the third day, her fever broke and she woke up on the couch with Key’s head on her chest. Onew was sat next to Key on the floor, his head on Key’s shoulder. Minho and Jonghyun were under blankets close by and Taemin was balancing precariously above her on the head of the couch. Something had a grasp of her hand and she smiled when, following the line of her hand, she saw her fingers interlaced with Onew’s.

     “She’s alive!” she heard Taemin shout, his face coming into view. The others stirred and one by one they entered into her field of vision, Key shoving Taemin aside, grumbling that she was not dying in the first place.

     “We were so worried,” Onew said, his kind smile shining down on her. He still hadn’t let go of her hand.

     “I’m fine now,” she said behind her other hand. Three days without brushing her teeth, her breath must have been kicking.

     “Noona, look what I made for you,” Taemin said shouldering his way to her side.

     She sat up to receive the bowl of soup he offered. She spat out the first spoonful just as he was asking if he did a good job.

     “Salty,” her voice cracked.

     Key tasted it. “Yah, are you trying to kill her again?”

     “I thought she wasn’t dying in the first place?” Minho quipped.

     “She looked like death to me,” Jonghyun chimed in.

     Taemin sulked. “It was my first try at cooking…you could at least pretend it’s good.”

     “It’s good,” Victoria lied, clearing her voice. She took a second spoonful, grimacing as she swallowed it down. He was positively glowing as he recanted the misadventures of his first attempt at cooking. And even though she’s grateful that he cared that much, she sent pleading eyes to Key to get her out of finishing it. She was not so grateful three days later when she had to clean up after five sick cats.

 

**7.**

     Five sick cats didn't quiet prepare her for five horny cats.

     The first time it happened, they are all on the couch watching TV. Suddenly Onew said, "Noona, you're wet." The room stilled and she could feel tension rise to the razor's edge.

     "Um, what?" she tried to sound offended but it only came out timid, like she was embarrassed.

     "You need to go take a shower," he said bluntly. He's jaw is set tightly but he was not even looking at her.

     "Excuse me?" this time she managed to sound affronted.

     "You smell," he snapped.

     Victoria colored deeply. She ventured a look around the room but the others were all glaring at Onew.  Taemin even hissed at him when he was dislodged from her shoulder when she stood up and sulked to the bathroom.

     When she got out of her second shower in as many hours, Onew was waiting for her, sitting on her bed, his eyes downcast. Even though he could smell her shower gel wafting in the room, announcing her presence, it wasn't until she coldly informed him that he needed to leave so she could change did he look up at her. At first his countenance was distraught and apologetic but when she walked passed him to her closet and the look in his eye became intense.

     "Noona, I'm sorry," he started, trying to control the rumble in his throat. "It's just that it's mating season and you smell so good."

     "The fuck!" she clutched her towel tighter. Now Taemin's overly affectionate borderline sexual advances made sense. He had been rubbing his face on her neck a lot lately and once she woke up with his hand inching beneath her panty line. Jonghyun had taken to walking around naked, Key was in the bathroom a lot and Minho was home every night pretending not to be staring at her.

     "We'll have to be away until it passes unless..."

     "Unless?" she looked at him and immediately recognizes the suggestion. "NO!" she shrieked.

     "Ok, Ok,” he laughed but not really. “If you change your mind, you know where to find us.”

 

**9.**

 

     Are you going out looking like that?" Key asked, his face the picture perfect expression of disgust.

     "What's wrong with the way I’m dressed?" she protested looking at her sparkling dress. She had always wanted a gold flapper style dress and couldn't believe her luck when she saw a similar style on sale.

     "You look like a disco ball throw up on you. No man would even come with a mile of you."

     "Don't listen to him, noona," Onew said, suddenly perky after sulking on the couch when she told them about her date. "You look beautiful."

     She frowned. She wasn't sure if it was a compliment or not.

     "Look, I hate the idea of her dating as much as you but if I let her go out looking like that I wouldn't be able to live with myself."

     When Key was done playing dress up with her, the boys’ jaws were on the floor. The classic Cinderella transformation but 'step on me with six inch heels' sexified.

     “Good, huh?” Key said taking in their looks before turning to admire his own handiwork.

     “SHE IS NOT LEAVING THE HOUSE LOOKING LIKE…LIKE…LIKE THAT!” Onew’s roar shook the entire building.

 

**10.**

     It had been two days and the boys still weren’t back. The note was still hanging on the fridge. It simply said ‘Thanks!’ Really she should have been happy that she had her apartment back and hot water for days but for some reason, every other five minutes, she kept looking at the door expecting them to barge in like they did three months ago…

     "Hey," the one she knew was called Jonghyun said. "Can we hang out here?" And before she could give an answer he pushed his way through followed by two, three, four other boys. They all said 'hello' in varying pitches but all with the same winning smile.

     "What's wrong with your apartment?" she asked looking at Jonghyun but he was busy fiddling with the remote control.

     "Do you have anything to eat?" she heard a voice from the kitchen.

     "What the heck?" she stood in disbelief as five strangers - well they weren't strangers per say they were her neighbours of 2 months but they were strange - making themselves comfortable on her couch, in her kitchen.

      "I'm hungry," whined the youngest of the group.

      She remembered intensely wishing they would just go away but it was unbearably lonely without them. Sometimes, when she was just enough delirious she could convince herself it was all dream except for the smell of Taemin on her sheets, the sound of Minho cursing soft when the loose floor board in the hallway creeks, Key’s shampoo in the bathroom, Jonghyun’s headphones plugged into the computer, and the menu of Onew’s favorite chicken still hanging on the fridge next to the note.

 

**10+**

 

     Victoria's left eye twitched as she surveyed the empty fridge. She thought that with her promotion to store manager they'd be more money to spare but her food budget is still non-existent, her electric bill still gave her tremors but at least she's managed to beat Taemin, Jonghyun and Onew to the shower. 

     "Noona, let's watch a movie," Taemin suggested.

     "Sure," she agreed unenthusiastically.

     “And chicken?” Onew piped in excitedly.

     “Why not?”

     There's wasn't a boyfriend to threaten what with her reputation as the crazy lady who talked to her cats as though they were people but her new couch was in pristin condition and her $100 kinky boots were pee free. 

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, I suck at transitions and endings but whatever.
> 
> Happy SHINee Day!!  
> 10 years with SHINee.


End file.
